Did You Get My Love Letter?

            Lately I've been feeling like an insecure little girl.  No, correciton...for a while.  The last time I felt insecure I was in middle school.  Then one day I told myself that I would never let anyone make me feel like that again.  But they say never say never right?  It's kind of hard to see him glorifying and complimenting other females when you get barely anything.  It's even harder to see this when you have to ask to be made to feel special and it still doesn't happen.  Just seems like he doesn't care...at all.  This wouldn't be an issue if I was never accustomed to it, but I was.  I don't know about you, but somebody making you feel good about yourself is a feeling that I would love to have for the rest of my life if I could.  A few weeks ago he said to me "I remember thinking when we were walking to the train "man she is so bad, and cool, and she really likes me **proceeds to smile hard**".  I told him "I wish you still felt like that", that he was beaming with joy that I liked him that much because he liked me that much.  Now I don't know if don't really know if how I feel about him really matters to him.  Sometimes I want to ask him, do you like me anymore? How many times do you have to ask to get special attention before you receive it?  I wouldn't know because I lost track of how many times I did without any results.  But why should I even have to ask?  I never have to be asked...because I already do it, because I WANT to.  Truthfully, it hurts...so much.  But I'm not going to ask anymore.  I don't have anything left in me to do so.
         
          I'm not one to hold in my feelings when it comes to matters of the heart, but I figure it'd hurt less when I don't get a response from a computer screen than an actual person.  Maybe he has a different way of showing his feelings and I don't realize it.  If that's the case, then he needs to tell me.  I don't think it will completely erase the insecurity I feel every time he makes another girl feel beautiful while I'm unsuccessfully begging for the same affections, but it's a step...I guess.


it's been real luvs --->